|Posted by Electric Frog on November 26, 2012 at 7:00 AM|
I am worthless and useless.
I have no friends, as there is very little about me that is likeable.
I am ugly and fat.
When I talk, nobody listens. Why would they? I have nothing to say that could possibly be of any interest to anybody.
My family only put up with me out of duty and obligation. They would be better off if I were dead.
I'm not good at anything really. People who praise my artwork are just humoring me.
I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to the world.
The only reason I don't kill myself right now is because i'm a coward.
My future is bleak. When i try to look into it, all I see is darkness and despair. I have nothing to look forward to, and that's fine because I don't deserve to have.
Many days, it's a real struggle not to spend the entire day crying. Some days, I give in to it and don't even try. Some days i can't even see any point in getting out of bed.
The medication i take amounts to around a dozen pills a day.
But hey..... depression isn't a "real" illness right? I just need to "pull myself together", right?
Or maybe I'm "faking it" to have a "cushy life on benefits", yeah?
Of course i have to act like this 24/7 to fool my family.... but obviously it's worth it so i get to stay at home watching Jeremy Kyle. I also have to fool my GP, so she gives me pills and writes my sick notes. I also have to fool my therapist who i visit once a week for cognitive therapy.... but hey, it's worth it for the "easy life", right?
I have zero social life as i have to "pretend" to be unhappy and not want to go out. But it's worth it, of course.
I also had to give up a well paid job, but hey, benefits are so damned generous that i'm obviously better off on under a hundred quid a week than i was on over five hundred. Of course I am, it's obvious isn't it.
Trust me. Depression is NOT a lifestyle choice. Do not judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.